Chapter Thirty: Out of the Fire, into the Soup

He heard a woman's voice softly crooning, felt a gentle hand stroke his head. "Mama?" he whispered. Smoke blew into his face. He coughed and opened his eyes. No, he wasn't dreaming, just making a fool of himself. Jesumi was holding him half on her lap, her arms around him. Her reddened eyes peered down into his through straggling hair. "Ah, Sumi. What...."

"Oh, Rado, are you all right? I'm sorry, we should have sat on the other side of the fire, the wind's changing. Papa had to carry you here. We were afraid for you--" Her voice caught. The smoke must be getting to her too.

"Ottavar--is he all right?" His own voice sounded odd, thin and weak. He tried to sit up, and jabbed an elbow into her stomach. "Uh, sorry." She only hugged him closer. He didn't mind that, but he really wanted to get up.

"Hai, he's awake, ah?" Lovaduc stood over them. The tall man coughed, dodging another cloud of smoke that went straight for his face.

Jesumi released her grasp on Radovin. "Let's get out of this smoke," she said. "Can you get up?"

"Yeah, I'm all right." Radovin pushed himself upward. Ah! He gritted his teeth. Not so all right. His watchful obsession no longer stood between him and pain. With Jesumi's assistance, he wobbled onto his feet. He rubbed his eyes and shoved tangled hair away with the backs of his blistered hands. It had all come loose, as usual. He took a few stiff steps away from the smoke.

"Well, you're staying on your feet all right," Jesumi said, giving him a sharp look up and down. "I'll get you some water"

Ottavar was sitting on the long slab of stone, with Tevina on one side and Kewarratiwa on the other. Both women looked short on sleep, but Tevina's smile was reassuring.

"Good morning, Rado," Ottavar said. His voice was not strong, but the dry grass rasp was gone.

"Good morning. You're all right, ah?" Radovin couldn't think of anything to say that didn't sound stupid.

Ottavar gave him a brief one-sided smile. "They let me sit up. How about you--you weren't hurt?" His eyes showed more concern than he put into his words.

Radovin glanced at himself. He did look like stomped shit by daylight, legs half covered with dried blood. Who would have thought he'd need to wear leggings for a spirit-journey? "Nah, it's just scratches," he protested. "From running in the dark. I'm all right, just a little tired."

"That's pretty much what Damagi said, but...."

"He thinks I worry to much," Tevina said. "Ha. I'm just glad to see both of you still alive."

Radovin shuffled a step closer. Someone had altered the bandages slightly. Ottavar's eyes had dark shadows under them. "How is the fever?"

"Not too bad," Tevina replied. "Tiwa and Damagi have been all over him. We'll have him home soon, then Hac can fuss at him too. Rado, sit down, please. I have to worry about both of you." She tried to lighten her words with another smile.

"Ah, 'm sorry." He backed away, stumbled, and found himself dangling from a familiar pair of big hands.

"You have an unusual way of getting things done," Lovaduc said. He steadied Radovin until they stood facing each another.

"Ah...yes, Lovaduc-nabu. 'S not done yet though."

"Pah! Don't 'nabu' me, you--" Lovaduc chuckled deep in his chest and shook his head. "Not done, ah? Vahé. I suppose not. How do you feel, can you walk back? You look like someone took a stick to you again." He frowned.

Radovin let his head droop, mumbling, "I hit myself to stay awake." He hadn't done very well, falling into a walking dream.

Lovaduc pulled him into an unexpected embrace. "Thunderfire, Rado, I wish we could have gotten here sooner."

"Hai, Rado?" he heard Sumi say. Lovaduc let go of him and he turned. She unstoppered the waterskin she was holding and handed it to him. "I'll get you something to eat too."

"Thanks, Sumi." He drank nearly half the water, then poured a little on his hands and got some of the dirt off. The raw spots burned.

"Keep an eye on him, Sumi," Lovaduc said. "I have s'more business to take care of."

Davoner stepped in beside them as the headman left. He put an arm around Radovin. "Sit down, Rado."

"Need to get...." he mumbled, but Davoner urged him to sit on a folded hide on the ground. Embarrassed by all the attention, he sat, not landing as hard as he might have because Davoner held on to him. Radovin set the waterskin between his legs, and stared at it. He had never felt so completely used up. Could he walk all the way back, with his whole body as floppy as a half empty waterskin?

Davoner sat next to him. "I thought we'd lost you both," he said quietly.

"'M sorry. I dunno what happened. I didn't mean to go off like that."

"No, but you did what you meant to do."

Radovin blinked a couple of times as he tried to assimilate that. "I guess.... All I wanted to do was help Ottavar. I mean, find him."

Davoner smiled, shaking his head. "Just rest, Rado. Ott's safe now and so are you."

Maybe. Radovin didn't think he would feel safe as long as that talisman existed. He knuckled his eyes and squinted at the cheerily sunlit world. There were a lot of people here, and he still couldn't put a name to many.

Jesumi held out a handful of dried meat. He took it and thanked her. Food would brace him up some, he hoped, if it didn't put him to sleep. He had very mixed feelings about sleep.

He chose a piece of meat to start on, and tucked the rest of into a fold of his breechclout. It had been pounded to make it easier to wrest a bite off. He worked at a mouthful with studied patience, softening it and coaxing the flavor out. Woh! His stomach remembered that he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning, except for that polite nibble at the Greatbuck camp.

Yesterday was a long time ago, and far from here. He glanced around while he chewed. Tevina was watching him. Probably making sure that he ate enough, as she had so many times already. That motherly smile hit him right in the middle. He had to look away; couldn't blame tears on smoke, the fire had given up. What a funny way to react to a good feeling.

They all looked up at the sound of approaching feet. "Hai, Lovo, are they ready yet?" Ottavar said.

"They've just finished the stretcher. You ready to go, Ott?"

"Any time."

"Good. We'll have you home quicker than boiling tea." Lovaduc strode away again.

Tevina stood, one hand still on Ottavar, steadying him. "Tiwa, you have the medicine bag repacked ah?" she said.

"Yes, it is ready as we are." She rose too, careful not to jostle Ottavar. "You are blessed," she said to Radovin.

"Um, good be with you," Radovin mumbled through his food. He lowered his eyes, thankful when she turned away. While the rest of the band were accustomed to the Wa!ikerrima woman, Radovin had hardly exchanged two words with her yet. He didn't know what to make of her admiring look.

Davoner and Lovaduc helped Ottavar onto the stretcher, supervised by his female guardians. Two sturdy men wearing clothing decorated in the style of the Greatbuck and Grouse bands lifted the litter. Ottavar waved a hand feebly. "I'll see you later, Rado," he said. "Good be with y'."

Radovin hastily tucked a wad of softening meat into his cheek. "All good be with you."

Tevina bent over to take his head in her hands and kiss his forehead. "You should come with us now, Rado," she said. "You need to come home and rest."

He wished he could. "I can't. I have to--" He gestured helplessly toward the group of shamans that stood some way off talking together and glancing frequently in his direction.

"All right, I know." She sighed, giving him a look that said a lot about being mother to a couple of crazy shamans who got into odd scrapes. "Take care. May the Good Ones watch over you."

Radovin reached up to touch her cheek. "I'll be all right...Mama." That got him another kiss, and left a tickly feeling in his heart. She departed with the stretcher-bearers, Davoner following. Lovaduc sat down in her place. He leaned his arms on his knees and gazed curiously down at Radovin, who gave back his own questioning look, chewing all the while.

After a few moments, Lovaduc spoke. "We're waiting for the fellows who went after the other two. Vashoner got et by a bear, ah?"

"M-hm."

"Whereabouts?"

"Umm...off that way, there's a bit of a dip like this only half into a hill...." Radovin pointed his last whole chunk of meat north of west and made a scooping motion with his other hand. "Old mama bear with a cub. Den's there."

Lovaduc nodded. "I'll ask for someone to look for the, um, remains after we get back. He has family, ah?"

Radovin bobbed his head. Yeah, Vasho had family, and they would be better off without him. "Wha'bout Belda?" There was no sign of Ambelda except the soiled area where she had lain.

"She's over t'other side. Made too much racket. Damagi's sitting on her until she can be taken home. Sooner we see her out of here the better." Lovaduc rubbed his neck and flexed it. He looked as though he had not slept much last night either. "You're worried about her?"

"Mff--kind of." Radovin supposed that Lovaduc was being facetious about the sitting-on. That was his way. "I whacked her pretty good. Had to. I wasn't trying to kill anybody." He saw Lovaduc's eyebrows jerk, and added, "It's hard shooting in the dark. People are easier to hit than rabbits, but what part you hit counts more." He tapped his head with the last bite of meat before tucking it in his mouth.

Lovaduc shook his head. "I'm glad you're on our side. She's not much hurt, Damagi says. She'll be able to haul her own carcass home. Thank the Good Ones for that." He gave Radovin a pat on the shoulder and rose. "I have to get some things organized. Again. You just rest up, ah?" He walked off.

Davoner came back then and sat next to Radovin, giving him a bemused look.

Radovin paused his chewing to give one back. "I thought you went home."

"Nah. I just had a word with Vina. Watch out for you, she said."

"Oh." After a while he swallowed the last bit, then a stray thought popped up. "Where's Baz? He was here, ah?" He knew he had seen him, just before he blacked out.

"Went off to look for the other two shits. Vido and Koro are with him, and a couple of their friends. We're waiting on them, mostly. And...." Davoner waved a hand to indicate the cluster of shamans.

"Ah." Radovin squinted out over the sunlit dell. He needed to talk to the other Dedicated now, while he could think halfway straight. He saw Lucovan, Baz's friend and lover, a thickset individual who restlessly fingered a string of beads as he talked to Andoval and Polodan. "A lot of'm here."

"Uh-huh. You need to, ah, consult, I suppose. They're all anxious enough to talk to you, but once Damagi made sure you were breathing they let you alone to rest up a bit." Davoner pressed his lips together in a thoughtful look. "Should I ask what's become of the...whatsit? Ott said you took something off the cow."

"Yeah. I hid it." Radovin's eyes darted nervously in the direction of the cache. He didn't mind Davo asking. The man had a head as steady as his hands; talking to him helped untangle his own thoughts. "It can't be left here. We'll have to take it with us. I--I don't know what to do."

"It's hardly your sole responsibility, Rado. That's what they are all here for." Davoner waved a hand in the direction of the shamanic huddle. "I imagine there'll be a convocation over it." He sighed. "We'll have to hold Ott down, he needs to lay back a while."

No, Ottavar was in no shape for anything. The full gamut of the Circles could handle it without him. They needed to know where it was cached though-- He must have moved without thinking, because Davoner laid a hand on his arm, pressing down gently.

"Sit. You need to lay back a bit too. You don't have to do everything. I'll tell them you're ready. They can come to you--they have feet."

Radovin watched him stride away. Davoner treated him like...well, like a son or a brother, ah? He laughed silently. Still needed to remind himself that he had a family to fret about him. He took another drink of water.

His hands hurt when he tried to stopper the waterskin tightly. He spread and flexed his fingers. It would be rough doing things like gathering wood for the next day or two. But like as not they wouldn't let him gather wood.

That made him laugh again, helplessly bent over with it, clutching the waterskin to keep from spilling it dry. Like that mattered now. He laughed harder at himself. Vahé! He was losing it. They had better talk to him while he could still make some kind of sense.

"You can laugh--that's good," Davoner said.

Radovin looked up through a blur of laugh-tears. Davoner smiled; Damagi, beside him, had a more serious mien. Lovaduc stood behind them. The headman's "what am I doing in this scene" look was particularly comical on someone so tall and responsible. "Uh...yeah," Radovin said, barely holding down another inappropriate burst of laughter. He waited until they all sat, then asked Davoner to close the waterskin.

Damagi seated herself on the ground in front of him. Lovaduc took over the stone bench again. The rest of the shamans drifted closer, sitting or standing within hearing distance. Damagi listened to Radovin's account of the night's events. "We are going to have to be very careful with this thing," she said, when he had finished. "We'll need strong vizanu to guard it until we're ready to deal with it, and it will have to be watched, to make sure no one goes too near while we decide how to dispose of it. That should be soon, I think. It's too dangerous to have around. Where is it now?" she asked Radovin.

"Over there, under a flat rock." He started to get up, and Davoner held him down again. He settled for pointing. "See, the crack with the roots hanging out over it?" He swiveled halfway about to point toward a section of the sinkhole wall. "Below that and a bit right. Flat rock about a forearm wide over it, three-sided chunk on top of that." His arm drooped, too heavy to hold up any longer.

"Thank you, Radovin. Rest now, I think you need it badly." Damagi gave him another serious look as she laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently.

The shamans left, with parting looks that were full of both curiosity and sympathy. Radovin leaned against Davoner. If there was anything emptier than an empty waterbag, he was it.

Bazenaber returned shortly and greeted them, dropping down on one knee to give Radovin a hug. They found the two damfools, he said, sleeping in the sun by a dead campfire. The useless turds were sullen but scared shitless. He thought they were unlikely to cause any trouble without a leader, so he had given them a waterskin and told them to get their sorry asses back home if and when they were ready to straighten up, or else head far away.

"I think they followed us," he told Lovaduc, who still sat on the stone, leaning his elbows on his knees. "At a distance. They have some thinking to do--if they can do that. I don't understand how they could have thought they'd come out better--well, I can't figure what was on her mind either."

Lovaduc snorted a short laugh. "Ayah! At least we won't have to guard 'em. That sort don't do anything on their own. No loss if they decide to go south either."

"Yeah. What did you do with the old cow, ah?" Bazenaber looked around, wrinkling his nose.

"Sent her off ahead with a few women and men. She can walk, but slow, and she's confused and crappy-minded. Can't get any sense out of her about the thing, Damagi said. She was babbling about seeing Kayotar yesterday, and...other things." He gave Radovin an odd look.

A man removed the amulet from its hiding place with a long stick. The fearful talisman might have been any flattish, irregularly rounded waterworn stone with a natural hole through it near one edge. It gleamed in the sun as it swung and turned on its thong, smooth and shiny from uncounted years of handling, rubbing on human skin; dark, perhaps with the stain of human blood.

Damagi wrapped it, without touching it or letting anyone's shadow cross it, in a square of leather painted with a complex design in red and black. Then she enfolded that in another piece of hide and tied it with a thong. The package was tied to a spear, so that it could be carried without touching.

At last the group set off homeward. Radovin's intentions were good, but his feet didn't give a crap. He stumbled and nearly fell twice before they had progressed more than a few paces.

Lovaduc gave him an ultimatum. "Either you ride on my back, or I pick you up like a bundle of dirty wash again." He shucked the light pack that he carried. Davoner took it, nodding agreement. Radovin had no more desire than strength to argue. He climbed on when Lovaduc squatted. Lovaduc's arms hooked around his legs and his arms hung loosely around the man's neck. He rested his head against the big, shaggy blond one.

The next thing he knew, he was being helped off onto the ground just behind the White Horse camp. A mob of women swarmed over him. They hugged him, kissed him, called him all sorts of nice things, and stripped off his breechclout and moccasins. Then they poured water over him.

The shower woke him up enough to help out with the washing. He took a rabbit skin and began to clean his front. One of the women gently rubbed his back. Tevina bathed his scratched legs with something soft. The rest kept fetching water and pouring it over him. He felt his hair getting sorted out by someone behind him. When he was clean enough to suit Tevina, they wrung out his hair and ushered him inside with a hide wrapped around him. He felt a little better with sweat, blood, and dirt washed off and his head temporarily clear.

He sat on a cushion near the unlit hearth and accepted a bowl of warm broth to sip at while Tevina daubed a soothing herb-infused grease on his scratched legs. They looked better with the blood washed off. He always healed fast anyway. He rubbed salve onto his hands when he had finished the broth, just enough to keep the broken blisters softened. It felt good.

The tent was quiet, dim and restful. The soup was being kept warm outside. Most of the band stayed outside; so that Ottavar could rest, he supposed. The shaman's bride-to-be was watching over him. Quite against custom, but then the groom didn't usually run off and get himself all bloodied during the prenuptial separation. They would have to start over when Ottavar recovered his strength. Jesumi sat next to them, looking like she was about to nod off.

Hacaben entered and sat down by the hearth. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." He admitted the obvious fact.

"I expect so. You're not hurt except for the scratches?"

"Uh-uh. They never got close to me."

"Just how did you pull that disappearing act?"

"Ahm, I don't know." Radovin shrugged and sucked on his lower lip. Thinking about it now made him dizzy.

Hacaben sighed with resignation. "Och, well, Ottavar is safe, and we have the stone. That thing is...dangerous, if you'll pardon an understatement.

"For now, it's being guarded by a bunch of stout fellows on the other side of Lookout Hill, warded with as much vizanu as we old farts can muster. Close enough to keep an eye on and far enough--well, out of handy reach, at least. The watchers watch each other." The man's eyes were more serious than his words. He went on in a less jocular manner.

"We're meeting tomorrow to deal with the thing. All of us, not just the White Circle. Damagi and whoever are sorting some things out now, at Kara's. I put in my two beads' worth already, but I'll go back over in a bit. I think we'll have most of it figured out tonight, only have to deal with a few details tomorrow--and the real work. We need to go at it together, everybody knowing who is where and who backs up who. If anything ever had to be done right the first time--ayah!"

Radovin slumped lower, pulling the soft hide close around his neck. It was too warm inside the tent to light a fire, but he had no fire left in him. "How's Ottavar, you've looked at him, ah?"

"Resting uncomfortably." Hacaben smiled sideways. "No corruption showing up so far. You did well with what you had. He's got some healing to do, but Tiwa's taking care of him. She knows her stuff. We gave him a good dose of sleepwort to make sure he stays down a while. It was that son of a jagal's turd Vashoner that cut him up like that?"

"Yeah." Radovin snorted. "He's done hurting anybody."

"That was rather clever, using a bear as a weapon. How did you know--"

"Hac, he's too tired, he needs sleep, not talk," Tevina said. "You can have at him tomorrow. Would you like some more broth, Rado? There's plenty of roots and a bit of meat at the bottom." She bent to look in his face, brushing a wisp of his drying hair back with her fingertips. "You'll sleep better if you eat well."

"Uh, yeah. Thank you. Um...." He cast about for his empty bowl. The hide had gotten pulled over it, and dragged it half under his leg. Sleep--the Good Ones knew how badly he needed it, but....

Hacaben arose with an air of pretended offense. "I guess I know where I'm not wanted. And I know better than to get between a bear and her cub." He winked at Tevina, who waved a hand at him as if shooing flies. "You'd better have a nap too, Vina. You've lost enough sleep already, you look too tired to be up and doing. I'll see you later, Rado. Sleep well, ah? Oh, by the way, you're right about Shugonar."

"Eh?" Radovin looked up, lost at the turn.

"He's the right sort. I definitely want to keep him on. Get some rest now, let someone else do the worrying. I'll see you later--yes, Vina, tomorrow." With that, Hacaben left.

Tevina shook her head and went to get the soup. She brought the refilled bowl to Radovin, and disappeared again.

Radovin consumed the second, heartier serving with very little of his mind on what he was doing--or on anything else. Then he got up, leaving behind the hide that he had kept draped over him, and shuffled toward the rear of the tent.

Kewarratiwa rose smoothly from where she sat by Ottavar, intercepting him. "Radovin, it is good that you be here."

"Good day, Kewarratiwa." He felt foolish standing naked in front of her. Nothing to save him; Sumi had curled up on the next pallet. "Uhm...how's Ottavar?" He glanced down where Ottavar lay on his side with a lightweight woven blanket over him, his face slack with sleep. One exposed hand moved, fingers curling slightly and then relaxing again.

"He sleeps well. I thank you for his life."

Radovin shrugged wearily. "Um, scuze me, I gotta...." He edged toward the ash basket. Maybe he should go all the way outside to pee, but the muckhole seemed far away. Everything was, including his feet.

"You are tired," she said. "May you rest well. I wish you good sleep, good dreaming."

"Thank you," he mumbled. She moved back, and he resumed his quest.

He leaned over the basket, his head against a tent pole. Good dreaming, yeah. An obsessive fear of what lurked behind the dark wall of sleep clung to him. He had been way too close to that thing for good dreams, and he was too crapped out to fight it. Off to bed for a while, anyway. He had to rest, what else could he do. With a lurch and a wobble he turned around to go...where? He didn't want to take over anyone's bed without asking. Sharing Ottavar's was no longer an option. Anyway, he supposed he ought to have his own....

What was he standing here trying to think of?

A hand touched his shoulder. "Rado, come, lie down." Tevina had returned.

He surrendered to her guidance for a short distance that took an age to cover. The soft pallet at the end of the journey swallowed him whole. Briefly, he was aware that Tevina had not let go of him. Her body lay against his, her arms around him, and she was softly singing:

It was an old, old lullaby that he knew from before he could walk or talk, when there was...nothing...to...worry...about....