(Frequent Annoying Questions)

Q: Do you have a cold?

A: No, my house is full of dust and mold and my sinuses are chronically messed up. May I please sneeze or blow my nose now and then without responding to useless comments?

Q: Are you all right?

A1: No, I’m lying on the floor, bleeding, unconscious, dying. You aren’t very observant, are you? Stop standing there asking stupid questions and call 911.

A2: Yes, but I am busy trying to (catch my balance, cough out a drop of saliva or lemonade, and/or remember what I was going to do before you demanded my attention). Would you like a written receipt for your valuable concern when I have time to bother with trivial matters?

Q: What’s wrong with your (body part)?

A: Are you my doctor? Is it a problem for you? Should I go home and change (noses, whatever)?

Q: Did you hurt yourself?

A: No, but I’m going to hurt you if you don’t stop with the questions.